Things Shall Begin Again(?)

I don’t know what to name this feeling. I am not even sure if it’s good or bad for others.

I can feel my inner-self crunch and reshape inside of me. It’s so calming.

I am not seeing what they called beautiful. I see the small ‘beautifuls’ in everything now. In everything that is around me; in everything that is in me.

It’s strange that I, half believed in God. I mean, I was always alone. All by myself. But I always found myself praying to someone when I was in trouble.

Such a hypocrite, I was. Just like everyone else.

I think I’m finally becoming what I always wanted to be. I can feel myself step into the bubble, ready to be swept away with the wind. I am finally letting go, what I always held on to. I am finally feeling complete. And this is the best feeling.

I was probably living a life that was not mine. I always tried hard to be ‘the one’. I always portrayed myself to be tough; the one who could turn rocks to get what she aspired for. Why was I doing that? Why did I always try to be someone that I never wanted to be? Why? I don’t know.

I was never the true version of ‘me’ in front of anyone. Not even myself.

But today.

Today, I feel free. I feel bold. I feel vulnerable. I feel giddy. I feel happy.

I feel infinite.

I don’t know what brought about this change in me. But I am glad that it finally happened.

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. timothyach says:

    What a beautiful post.

    I’m happy for you.

    I’ve heard it said that the times where God feels the farthest away, that’s when He’s actually the closest, waiting for us to take that final leap of faith — waiting for us to step into the bubble and be swept away.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! 💙
      Honestly, I missed you and your words a lot. They never fail to cheer me up. Glad to hear from you after such a long time. :’) 💙

      Liked by 1 person

      1. timothyach says:

        Aww! Thank you so much! 🙂

        I love your writing, and I am happy to comment on it whenever I can.

        Liked by 1 person

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