I thought I could get back to where I was, before I left in such a mess. I am trying to be here, trying so hard.
Words don’t find their way out on paper anymore and my mind wanders off to a space tightly packed in obliviousness.
The one thing that I bitterly miss is being in love with myself and my company. I’m falling into places that aren’t mine.
Words had always been so easy to spew on sheets with my inky thoughts and dusty wisdom. It was so easy to let the letters and phrases flow through my body to the paper. The giddy feeling of not knowing what word would escape into reality and fill me with utter tears of joy and sometimes sheer sadness.
It just gets harder everyday to stop my mind from being eaten by toxicity of my own surroundings. Pasting a smile on my face and and pinching myself black & blue when I forget to laugh and cry like all of them do.
I craved solitude more than love. I craved being at peace with myself than living through it. It isn’t enough an apology for myself but I try to believe that everything is all right. I am fine. This is how it is. This is how it will be.
I always will.