words in a disarray


I have phases. Some days I feel like the person I am supposed to be, and then there are days when I turn into no one at all. Just a hollow mind and body with a silhouette. I hope on the days you find me and my darkened silhouette, you would still want to be near me. I hope you feel the same way like you do when you are in the middle of dreaming and reality. You know, just like that fuzzy feeling of burning liquor down your throat and the way it makes you feel comfortable in your own alien skin.

We search for our lost souls in crowds, city lights and bloodshot eyes from cigarette smoke.  We leave memories in every stranger and pick up theirs without an intent of doing so. I am afraid, these memories will be last thing that go through our minds before we die. We crawl inside of them, curl up and hide. These memories find us where we are the most ruined and heal us till we dig up the same old wounds again.

I have days when I don’t feel like myself at all. I am not there. I try to reach inside but I am just not there. It scares me that someday I won’t come back. I am afraid that these stars that are streaming would  remind me of your eyes when I close mine. So, I hold myself in the middle of the night as my mind floats through chaos. I place a quietus between my lips whilst my lungs gasp for air.


We exist in each others’s minds. Close your eyes and walk away.


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